is widely
the theory that children (2 or 3 years) should be left alone when they have a tantrum. Of course, in the version "progress" of the item is said that the child is allowed to vent, but the result is the same (let him alone and crying) than in the traditional version, "is nothing more than theater, so we should remove the public ", or behavior" while exclusion isolated until they learn to behave properly. "
Perhaps part of the success of some of the theories of "stop mourn" is a semantic confusion, "not (stop mourn)" against "(no stop) mourn." Let me explain. When I say that we should not let a child mourn what I'm saying is that parents do not have to do an activity called "stop mourn", an activity that is moving from a child who cries and ignore him. I'm not banning anything the child, in any case I'm "forbidden" to the parents to "stop mourn." On the other hand some people say is very different, the child should not do an activity called "mourn" for parents to prevent, prohibit, or even punish him for it. That, of course, I think a lot.
is a much more widespread than it seems. Thousands of times, instead of trying to console a child adequately (taking him in her arms, or giving tit, or asking what's wrong, or saying "poor, what larger pupa" or "healthy healthy frog ass" or recognizing the problem, "yes, what anger, we must leave the park because it is too late, thank goodness tomorrow we go back ... "), is told with the best of intentions things like" do not cry, you get very ugly, "or" what a shame, a big girl and crying "or" do not cry, that brave boys do not cry ", or" do not cry you look like a baby "or" my head hurts to hear you mourn, "or" this man will be angry if you cry " or "shut up" or "I got fed up with your cries."
All these are examples, some softer and more beasts, "(not letting) mourn." Sure, everyone has escaped us once, and for once does not matter, but imagine what it is that every time you cry, whatever the reason, they tell you that you get ugly. What is going to feel, when I grow up, a well educated person? What understanding what empathy, you can feel the pain of others, by the cries of her own children? We are saying that beauty is the supreme value, and one even has to repress their own feelings order to be "handsome" and therefore socially acceptable.
So that when we leave a child alone with a tantrum when we deliberately let the room, or just send it to a room, we are taught that pain is not socially acceptable, that a well educated is not "carried away" by their feelings in public.
Another thing would be an older child (or teen) who deliberately leaves to mourn alone. We must also prove that he is entitled to be isolated, if that's what you want. Do not go running back, do not tell him "it's rude" and "Can not leave the table" ... but you can, within a reasonable time, zoom in, say something, and continue or withdraw according to their response.
When my kids had tantrums, I tried everything. It is true that in some cases seems not to be comforted, if you talk to them or ask them, cry even harder or insult you if you try to catch them in her arms and kicking resist, if you touch them beat you. In these circumstances it is very human to feel the temptation to say: "What hit me up? Then I go and I j ....! I have not put up with this! "Feeling that many try to rationalize (as the capacity man to deceive himself and seems to be even greater than his ability to be fooled by others) with arguments like "it is better to vent" or "not a punishment, is to apply the logical consequences, must learn that if anyone insults and paste want to be with him. " It is very human to react that way, but is not it a bit "childish"? Should not an adult who is the father above, have more tools than a child of three years to channel the anger and to maintain composure in difficult situations?
guess every child is different, and each family will find its own strategy. To us We did very well in the most terrible tantrums, and get away a little child talking aloud: "You know, Mom, yesterday I took Mary to see Grandma? - Oh, yes, you went to see Grandma? - Yes, and Grandma Mary was helping to prepare a cake? - Mary and know how to cook? - Yes, he did very well, "said Grandma had never been so well stirred mass, with no lumps of flour ..." As we speak, we feel Mary leaves to mourn to hear better. "And what did the cake batter? - As with flour, milk, eggs, yeast, and ... to see if I remember was another thing ... "And then Mary interjected," And lemon zest, grate it myself. " From there, the tantrum can be terminated as long as parents continue hiding for a while and avoid the temptation of petty revenge: "Ah, so now you speak, I thought I knew just mourn," or "I do not care what say, if you do not hear me you loved me, I also do not want to hear you "or" Now that you have left to mourn, can you explain why you went? "...
It's amazing the number of parents felt (feel) the ridiculous need to have the last word of reckoning, to make it clear who has been naughty and who has done well, the need not only to win but to humiliate the vanquished. The liar to confess, apologize to the culprit, that the disobedient obey ... I guess they are unresolved frustrations of our own childhood, we believe we are entitled to demand absolute submission of our children because we know we never get either of our parents, or our spouse or our friends or our bosses, not our subordinates, or the government ...
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