Monday, November 9, 2009

Hanging A Heavy Mirror Without Hooks On Back

The Importance of Autestima - Social Phobia Social Phobia and Anxiety


The way we feel about ourselves crucially affects virtually every aspect of our experience, from how we function at work, love or sex, to our actions as parents and the possibilities we have to progress in life. Our responses to events depend on who and what we think we are. The dramas of our lives are reflections of the intimate glimpse we have of ourselves. Therefore, self-esteem is the key to success or failure.
also is the key to understanding and understanding others.
Apart from the problems of biological origin, I know of a single psychological difficulty, from anxiety and depression, fear of intimacy or success, the abuse of alcohol or drugs, poor performance in the studio or on work, to abuse women or rape of minors, sexual dysfunction or emotional immaturity, through suicide or violent crime-which is not attributable to a poor self-esteem. Of all the judgments that we submit, none is as important as our own . Positive self-esteem is the fundamental requirement for a full life.

Let's see what is the self . It has two components: a sense of personal ability and a sense of personal worth. In other words, self-esteem is the sum of the confidence and self-respect . Reflects the implicit view that everyone does their ability to meet the challenges of life (to understand and overcome the problems) and their right to be happy (respect and defend their interests and needs.)

Having a high self-confidence is to feel fit for life, that is, capable and valuable in the sense just indicated. Have low self-esteem is feeling useless for life; wrong, not with respect to such or that issue, but wrong as a person. Have an average self-esteem is wavering between feeling fit and useless, right and wrong as a person and show these inconsistencies in behavior "sometimes act wisely, sometimes foolishly, reinforcing thus the insecurity.

Ideally, everyone should enjoy a high level of self-esteem, experiencing both an intellectual faith in himself as a strong feeling that we deserve to be happy. Unfortunately, however, there are many people that this does not happen. Many people suffer from feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, self-doubt, guilt and fear to participate fully in life, a vague sense that "what I'm not good enough. "these feelings are not always recognized and supported with ease, but they are there.

In the process of development and in the process of life itself, we find it extremely easy to move away from a positive concept ourselves, or does not become ever. Maybe we can not ever be satisfied with ourselves because of the negative contribution of others, or because we have failed our own honesty, integrity, responsibility and self-assertion, or because we have tried our actions with inadequate understanding and compassion.

However, self-esteem is always a matter of degree. I've never met anyone who lacked by positive self-full, nor have I met anyone who was not able to develop self-esteem.

build self-esteem is to develop the conviction that one is competent to live and deserves happiness, and therefore face life with greater confidence, benevolence and optimism, which help us achieve our goals and experience fullness. Develop self-esteem is to expand our capacity for happiness.

The higher our self esteem, the better prepared we are to cope with adversity, the more flexible we are, most will resist the pressures that make us fall into despair or defeat.

The higher our self-esteem, more likely to be creative in our work, which means that we will have a better chance of success.

The higher our self-esteem, we tend to be more ambitious, not necessarily in our career or profession or in an economic sense, but in terms of what we expect to experience in life emotionally, creatively and spiritually.

The higher our self esteem, the more we engage in enriching relationships and non-destructive, and that like is attracted to one another, health calls the health and vitality and generosity moods are more appetizing than the emotional vacuum and the tendency to exploit others.

The higher our self esteem, the more likely we are to treat others with respect, kindness and good will, since they did not perceive as a threat, we will not feel "alienated and afraid in a world he never made" (quoting AE Housman poem), and that respect for oneself is the basis of respect for others.

The higher our self-esteem, more joy experienced by the mere fact of being, of waking in the morning, to live within our bodies.

These are the rewards of trust and respect for ourselves.

I have discussed in detail why such correlations exist, but I think it is clear that if we expand our positive potential and therefore transform the quality of our existence, we must begin to develop self-esteem. Examine more deeply the meaning of self-esteem.

Self-esteem at any level, is an intimate experience, lies at the core of our being. This is what I think and feel about myself, not what others think or feel about me.

As children, adults can feed or undermine the confidence and respect for ourselves, as to respect us, love us, we appreciate and encourage us to have faith in ourselves, or do not. But even in our early years our own choices and decisions play a crucial role in self-esteem that will eventually develop. We are far from being mere passive receptacles for the opinions others have of us. And anyway, anyone who has been our education, as adults, the issue is in our hands.

Nobody can breathe for us, nobody can think for us, no one can impose the faith and love for ourselves.

I can be loved by my family, my family and friends, and yet not love myself. I can be admired by my partners and consider however, that has no value. I can project an image of safety and assurance that deceives the whole world, and secretly shaking because I feel useless.

I can meet the expectations of others and not mine, I can get top honors and yet feel that I have not accomplished anything, I can be adored by millions but wake up every morning with a sinking feeling of fraud and empty.

Achieving "success" without reaching a positive self-esteem is doomed to feel like an impostor anxiously waiting to be discovered.

As the applause of others does not generate self-esteem, nor do the knowledge, or skill, or material possessions or marriage or parenthood, or charities, or sexual conquests, or cosmetic surgery. Sometimes these things can make us feel better about ourselves for a while, or more comfortable in certain situations, but comfort is not self-esteem.

The tragedy is that most people seek self-confidence and self-respect everywhere except within themselves, and therefore fail in their search. We will see that positive self-esteem is best understood as a kind of spiritual achievement, ie as a victory in the evolution of consciousness. When we started to conceive this way, as a state of consciousness, we discover the folly of believing that only by getting others to form a positive impression on the part of ourselves. Let's say: if I could make another ascent, if it could be a wife and mother, if it could be considered a good father if I could buy a bigger car, if I could write another book, buy another company to have a new lover, get another prize, achieve greater recognition of my "denial" ... then I irrational, that longing for "something more" will always exist.

The state of a person who is not at war either with themselves or with others, is one of the most significant features a healthy self-esteem. The importance of a healthy self-esteem is the fact that it is the foundation of our ability to respond actively and positively to opportunities that present themselves at work, love and fun. It is also the basis of that serenity of spirit that makes it possible to enjoy life.

The concept of itself as a destination

The concept that each of us has of himself is who and what we think we are consciously and subconsciously, our physical and psychological traits, our strengths and our shortcomings and above all, our self-esteem. Self-esteem is the evaluative component of the concept himself.

This concept shapes our destiny, meaning that deeper vision of ourselves that affects all our choices and decisions more significant and, therefore, models the kind of life that we create.

Living consciously

There are two words that describe ideally what we can do to increase our self-esteem, ie, to generate more confidence in ourselves and respect each other more. These are: to live consciously. The problem is that this phrase may be too abstract for some people, not so self-evident results in mental action and / or physical. And if we grow, need to know what to do. We need to learn new behaviors. So we must ask: if we tried to live more consciously, how and in what respects would act differently?

The mind is our fundamental means of survival. All of our specifically human achievements are a reflection of our ability to think. A life full of success depends on the proper use of intelligence, ie appropriate to the tasks and objectives that we set and the challenges we face. This is the central biological fact of our existence.

But the proper use of our consciousness is not automatic, but rather is a choice. We have freedom of work towards the extension or limitation of consciousness. We hope to see more or do less. We want to know or not know. We strive for clarity or confusion. We live consciously, or conscious, or (for most practical purposes) unconsciously. This is, ultimately, the meaning of free will.

If our lives and our welfare depends on the proper use of consciousness, the importance we attach to the vision, preferring to blindness, is the most important component of our self-confidence and respect our copyright. It will be difficult for us to feel competent in life if you wander (at work, in marriage or in the relationship with the children) in the midst of a self-induced mental fog. If we betray our fundamental means of survival trying to be so thoughtless, the impression that we form our own merits is impaired to the same extent, regardless of approval or disapproval of others. We know our faults, known or not the others. Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with respect to ourselves.

thousand times a day we must choose the level of consciousness in which we operate. Thousand times a day we must choose between thinking and not thinking. Gradually, over time, acquire a sense of the kind of person we are, as whatever the choices we make, rationality and integrity that we show. That is the reputation to which I refer.
The smarter we are, the greater our capacity for knowledge, but the principle of conscious living remains the same whatever the level of intelligence. Living consciously means to know everything that affects our actions, objectives, values \u200b\u200band goals, and behave according to what we see and know.

In any situation, live consciously means to generate a mental state adequate to the task being performed. Driving a car, make love, write the shopping list, consider a balance, meditation, all require different mental states, different types of psychological processes. With regard to issues of mental functioning, the context determines what is right. Living consciously means to be responsible for the adequate knowledge to action that we are making. This, above all, is the foundation of self-confidence and self respect.

self-esteem, then, depends not on the characteristics we are born, but the way we use our consciousness, of the choices we make with respect to knowledge, honesty in our relationship with reality and the level of our integrity. A person of great intelligence and high self-esteem does not feel more right to life or more deserving of happiness another person with high self-esteem and a modest intelligence.

Living consciously involves respect for the facts of reality, the facts of our inner world and the outside world, "in contrast to an attitude amounts to saying:" If I do not want to see or consider, it does not exist. " Living consciously is to live responsibly towards reality. This does not mean you have to like what we see, but we must recognize what is and what is not, and that the wishes or fears or rejects not alter the facts.

In considering the above examples, discuss the results that come with living consciously, as opposed to those produced by living unconsciously:

think, although difficult, to not think.

knowledge, even if a challenge against ignorance.

clarity is easily obtained or not, against the dark or vague.

respect for reality, whether pleasant or painful, to escape from reality.

Respect for the truth against the rejection of the truth.

independence against dependence.

The attitude against passive.

The willingness to take appropriate risks, even awaken fear, against the lack of will.

Honesty with oneself against dishonesty.

Living in the present and in agreement with him to retreat into fantasy. Facing

oneself against oneself avoided.

The desire to see and correct errors, against perseverance in error.

The reason against irrationality.

One of the most important is to live consciously intellectual independence. A person can not think through the mind of another. We can learn from others, but the true knowledge involves understanding, and it is not mere repetition or imitation. We have two alternatives: to exercise our own mind, or delegate to others the responsibility of knowledge and assessment and to accept their verdicts more or less unconditional.

Of course, sometimes the other influence us in ways that do not recognize, but this does not alter the fact that there is a distinction between those trying to understand things for themselves, and those who do not. What is decisive in this regard is our intention, our goal. As a general policy, do you try to think for himself? Is that your basic orientation?

speak of "independent thought" is useful because redundancy has value in terms of emphasis. People often called "think" the mere recycling of others' opinions, not the real thinking. Independent thinking-about our work, our relationships, values \u200b\u200bthat will guide our life is part of what is meant by "living consciously."

Research Based on the Nathaniel Branden, read it in full:


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